Haldir the Hairdresser
by ElvenPrincessOfNarnia- Kate
Summary: Haldir decides to become a hairdresser! What could possibly go wrong? Everything, to be exact. That is, everything from Celeborn having blue hair to Elrond with a buzz cut. To make matters worse, he's then framed for dying the Fellowship's hair with glow-in-the-dark dye. Did he really do it?


**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Tolkien is the creator of these wonderful characters I can play around with!**

**All Elvish translations are approximate. I am NOT an expert in Elvish. If I make any mistakes in translation, spelling, etc., please correct me!**

**NOT SLASH.**

* * *

Haldir was depressed.

"I am depressed!" Haldir declared, sighing deeply.

Recently, Lothlorien had been extremely peaceful. Too peaceful for Haldir. Usually, he would spend months patrolling the borders and paths of the forest. As the threats to their safety had decreased dramatically, however, Haldir found himself without work for weeks on end.

Suddenly, he had an epiphany!

"I've had an epiphany!" Haldir shouted to the world. Several nearby elves turned to stare at their normally calm and reserved Marchwarden.

Haldir ignored them all and strode to his brother's talan. Once he reached it, he banged open the door.

"I've had an epiphany." he stated.

"I know." Rumil said.

"How did you know?" Haldir asked, pulling over a chair next to his brother and sitting on it.

"Everyone in the forest knows. You shouted loud enough for all of _Arda_ to hear."

"Oh." Haldir looked embarrassed, but also slightly pleased that his voice was so loud.

After a brief silence, Haldir spoke again.

"Do you want to hear my epiphany?"

"No."

"PLEEEASE?"

"No."

"Come on, Rumil."

"NO!"

"Fine. I'll go bother Orophin." Haldir huffed, and stomped out the door.

"Wonder what's with _him_ today." Rumil wondered aloud after Haldir slammed the door. He suddenly had an idea.

"Haldir, when was the last time you visited the sons of Elrond?" he called after his brother.

No answer.

Ignoring Rumil, Haldir stalked to Orophin's talan. As he yanked open the door, he heard Orophin's voice.

"Go away, Haldir! I don't want to hear your epiphany!" Orophin yelled.

"Please, Orophin." Haldir pleaded. "Do you remember all the times _I_ listened to _your_ epiphanies when we were young?"

"Fine." Orophin opened the door. "Make it quick."

Haldir began speaking really fast.

"DoyourememberthetimewhenImadeabetwithLegolasandagreedtobraideveryoneshair?"

"Say what?" Orophin asked.

Haldir sighed. "Do you remember the time when I made a bet with Legolas and agreed to braid everyone's hair?"

"Yes." Orophin stifled a laugh. "That was funny."

"I'm bored." Haldir complained. "I need to do something... fulfilling."

"I fail to see how this ties in with your bet with Legolas."

"I'm going to become a hairdresser." Haldir deadpanned.

Orophin started laughing uncontrollably. Haldir just stared at him. After a while, Orophin realized that Haldir wasn't laughing with him.

"Wait, you're not joking." Orophin said slowly.

"Nope."

"Are you drunk?"

"Nope."

Orophin sighed. The last time his brother had been this giddy, he had almost fallen into the enchanted river of the Greenwood. Twice. The time before that, Lord Elrond had almost declared war on Lothlorien.

Haldir's face fell.

"You think I'm insane."

"Yes I do."

Without another word, Haldir stalked out of the talan.

The next day, Haldir set up his new hair salon in the marketplace.

Several minutes after his "grand opening," he got his first customer!

Except, it wasn't _exactly_ a customer.

"What are you doing?" Lady Galadriel asked, her brow furrowed in confusion.

"I've decided to become a hairdresser." Haldir declared happily. "Don't worry, it won't interfere with my work as a Marchwarden. It's only a temporary job for when I'm here. Doing nothing."

Galadriel resisted the urge to facepalm. She had _definitely_ not seen this coming, even with her magic mirror.

"What gave you the... _idea_ to do such a thing?" she asked.

"Excuse me, please." Haldir said, without answering her question. "I think I have a customer."

Galadriel sighed and left the salon.

"Welcome to Haldir's Hair Salon." Haldir chirped to his first customer. "What would you like me to do?"

His customer was a slender, blonde _elleth_ with light blue eyes and dark eyelashes that she fluttered at Haldir whenever he looked at her.

"Oh," she gushed, "I'd like a slight trim and then two braids in the current fashion."

Haldir paused. This was something he hadn't expected. He suddenly realized that he had absolutely NO idea how to do ANYTHING with hair.

He decided to give it a go anyway.

Two hours later, a sobbing _elleth_ with short, jagged-edged hair ran out of the salon.

"I think that was a success." Haldir smiled. "This is the best job in the world."

* * *

Translation of Elvish Words:

_Arda: _Middle-Earth

_Elleth:_ female elf

* * *

**Author's Note: Hope you liked this! Will have more than one chapter... someday. **


End file.
